Robert miles by Synthony one of my favorite in my life

 

Darude played by Synthony

January goes by.

 The first month of this year is gone already. Been not a bad month for me apart from my pain in my lower back but its getting better. The 31st January my dad was 101 and when my dad seen his last birthday in when he was 90. I said to dad that each year i will have a wee dram on his birthday for the rest of my life as we did that together a lot of years in the past. So dad i had one a of the wee drams what you normally poured for me and you. As my life goes on and just getting ready for all my xtra work coming up as i made myself a goal to go for this year and i will make it happen for real. My team Liverpool won on saturday night and with dads birthday my weekend went well for me. So with febuary started now and as i do just will take it day by day. Hope it goes good enough for me to move on more in my life.

Last post for 2025

 This last year of 2025 started of different not to bad as it was a start to get moving forward with myself. The first few months went ok and gone with work and going to see Diane and Henry. As time went on here at home me Teetha and Tabby. taken each day as it come. I got a away for a bit for my summer break . Bit of sun and good walk aswell to keep my head clear. Things was going ok and looked forward to my break in december. So from doing my walks each weekend and just moving on with my life. But what did happen for real i was not ready for it. In august  my Teetha getting on in her life now and then she would get of her bed for a wee bit to eat and use the loo. But she slepted more than anything else. She came down stairs but couldnt get back up. I knew then she not in a good way at all. The tuma she had was getting biggar. Nothing i could do. But when she did go out the back and scratched her post what she hadnt done for a long time but she collasped to the ground. I picked her up and she looked in my eyes to say its time. I lay her down just from her feeding bowls and she rolled over like how she to do aswell. Like telling me its time to go. I took her to the vets and had to let her go and i was with her until she slipped away to the safe place. I came home and talked with Taby saying her mum was to ill to carry on. Tabitha i knew she had a wee problem as an odd dribble now and then and i took her the vets to see what infection she had but i was in for another shock when the vet xrayed her and found a tuma aswell and that what was causing her to dribble. My vet other me either way what to do. I said no to join her mum Teetha 24hrs after she slipped away. I brought Tabby home and vet said she didnt know how long Tabby would last. But at home she looked for her mum  but knew she is not there on her bed. I got a hold of Diane and asked her she like to go the Tattoo with me and she said yes. Not been to one before but really enjoyed it. Came home Diane went back home aswell and me and tabby at home and me back to work. Tabitha kepted on going for another 2 weeks but the tuma grew more in her and she was in pain. Then i had to do what i didnt want to do again and took Tabitha to the vets and i had to let her slip away to join her mum aswell. My heart was  ripped out in bits. 15 years Teetha and Tabitha  in my life and now they are in my heart forever.                                                                                                                                                      My 60th birthday went by without me noticing apart from a card from Diane and Henry. October came and mum birthday date and mum and dad anniversary aswell. Mum would have been 101 and they would have been married 78 years.                I try to handle myself the  best i could after losing the girls but i didnt. Went to work but coming home to an empty house shooked me more and dragged me down more and more. I couldnt and didnt want to do anything or talk to anyone. Done nothing else wee bit to eat and i would drink and just sit here. Work didnt appeal to me either. I just went done what i had to then back to an empty house. Did not do any walks as i was not interested to do them .I was going down hill more and more. In november i got my wake up call as i finished back shift and drove home went to get out my car but i got shooting pain from hip bone across bottom of my back. I couldnt move to get out of my car for nearly an hour.                           When i got out of car i got in my house and i just couldnt do anything at all as pain was still there not as bad.I lay on my bed couldnt move much. Stuck on toilet aswell i was grounded in a bad way. I called in work and told them and they knew i was not well as i never have any days of work being sick. I took 2 days off . I knew what the problem was i put weight on and the fat was causing the pain in my left hip and it got worse and i got fatter. I could see myself in the mirror and could see all the fat hanging at the bottom of back . I knew what i had to. Kicked my own ass and time to get rid of it . Back to doing my walking and no alcohol. I started to walk around my village again like i use to. After a week started to feel a bit better and not as much pain coming of my hip bone. I kepted it up doing my walking and slepted better and started to eat better aswell. I knew i had my holidays coming up from work. I had booked myself away in the sun for 7 days  what i needed. So slowly getting my life back up and running. Went to see Liverpool beat Brighton made me smile then i went to the sunshine for 7 days and it was what i needed and i enjoyed it the best i could. Helped Liverpool wining before i went and winning the day before i came back.               Now with the end of 2025 in 4 hours. I will bring 2026  in with a cup of tea when i get up in the morning. Happy New Year to you all out there .             

Middle October 2025 in my life

 Since the start of  october 2025 i knew this month would be different in me. My mum and dads anniversary and mums birthday. The last 15 years Teefa and Tabby where with me at this time of the month and with them gone to join mum and dad now are in my heart with them. I sat here last week talking to mum and dad and teefa and tabby as they all in my heart forever. I know will never have them for real here with me but as they knew they would be my heart forever. I had a wee dram for mum and dad it was there 78th year of marriage and mum being 101 the next day. Each day iam here alone for real but in my heart Mum and Dad and Flicker,Jerry lee,Teefa and Tabitha will aways be with me in heart forever. They say life moves on but hell its hard as it was not for daughter Diane  and  grandson Henry i knew i will have nothing in my life. 

October is here in my life

 September is gone it was a hard the last two months in my life. My two best friends gone to the safe place for the rest of time of my life. Yes i was year older but with Teefa and Tabitha only me heart for ever. I didnt really enjoy my birthday. Diane and Henry made me smile what they got for my birthday and of course on the phone wishing me happy birthday. Moving on with my life is hard for me but with girls in my heart forever. Each time i come home i always talk to them as i walk in the door as i know they where always there for me. I just know as each day goes by it will get easer for me but as i know they always will be there in my heart for ever.  As with work i will carry on what i do at work and as for Liverpool losing the last two games as they played crap but last nights game why the hell Slot played the wrong team and even Salah on the bench. The first half was crap and second have no better. No wonder we got beat. So Slot two games you got it wrong with selection of players to play.  Dont do it it a third time or we will be knocking at Klopps door to come back and pick us up again like you did before for Liverpool. Yes october is here and this month in 10 days time its my mum and dads anniversary and mums birthday the next day. Mum will be 101. Mum and dad had a great innings in there life and will never be forgot them at all in my life time. My life is moving on slowly and will take each day as its comes and try and enjoy it the best i can.

September so far in my life

 With whats happened to my heart with losing my two best friends Teefa and Tabitha The last 4 weeks have been so hard me my heart. I never want it to happen again in my life. Yesterday when i got up after not a lot of sleep. I had a good think to myself and knew that with the girls in my heart i have to move on and know they will always be my heart with Flicker and Jerry lee. Yes will take time cause after 15 years in my life Teefa and Tabby  they will be here at home in my heart and always be there in my heart. As i look round as i write this they are watching me from the safe place. I knew i had to do the right thing for them but hell it broke my heart to do it. I have to be even stronger now with myself .

Yesterday i done what i do normally on a saturday got our home clean and all the washing done aswell. What i done aswell as i cleaned i removed all there years of toys around the house as i knew they will not be back at home apart from in my heart. Tears run down my eyes as i had removed them all. Last night fought i need some fresh air in me in the morning. So this morning as i had not walk on Hadrians wall for over 2 months. Will go do and walk it for an hour as i knew iam not fit as i was when i last walked it. Got there lunch time and it was busy but just walked on for 40 mins one way and 40 mins back. By hell my heart was pumping to much as i knew i was not fit. But me being me kepted on going and back to my car. It felt good to it and will help me to get on with my life.

So from now on as only me at home. Will  be all work and no play and will do as much work as i can so a lot of xtra hours at work. Each day will go by will make it easier me coming home to a silent house. But i will move on with my life as i have still a long to live. As i get home i will always say iam home girls as i walk in through the back door as i know they will be there in my heart.